


do you love me?

by writingradionoises



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Android Nanami Chiaki, Character Study, Descent into Madness, Despair, F/F, Kamukura Izuru Has Feelings, Past Relationship(s), Post-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Toxic Relationship, not necessarily abusive but. certainly toxic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-20 21:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21063530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingradionoises/pseuds/writingradionoises
Summary: do you love me? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh? huh?or: a mikan tsumiki character study that was really just me projecting





	do you love me?

**Author's Note:**

> baby if you loved me  
youd call me your bunny  
tell me im just a baby, honey  
beat me and tell me that no one will love me  
better than you do

"D, do you love me?" She asked, looking up at the strawberry blonde behind her.  
"Of course, little Mika!" She replied, manicured hands now set on the violet haired girl's shoulders, "I love you more than anything in the world, even more than despair!"  
A shaky smile came to Mikan as her own bandaged hands met Junko's on her shoulders, visibly relaxing.  
  
"Do you still love me? Huh?" Mikan answered, shaking and drenched in blood that was not hers.  
Her own clean nurse uniform was now coated in blood, empty syringes on the ground in from of her feet as she looked back at her lover for reassurance, kindness, anything good.  
Junko moved forward, her arms stretched out in front of her as she cupped Mikan's face, red eyes staring into Mikan's purple ones.  
"Of course, my little bunny. The blood's a good look on you, eh?" She said, her words sweet like honey and voice smooth like silk, "You're doing so well, I adore it! Keep going, little bunny."  
Mikan's knees buckled under her weight, a sickening smile coming to her face.  
_Love, it's for love._  
  
"_**DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?**_" Mikan cried.  
It's a cry of pain, begging at her now dead lover's body as if maybe she'll respond.  
It's a cry for help, because what in the world is Mikan supposed to do without her goddess?  
What is a muse without her painter?  
What is a cat without her owner?  
What is a plushie without a holder?  
What is Mikan without Junko?  
"_**PLEASE WAKE UP I'M BEGGING YOU, I'M NOTHING WITHOUT YOU!**_" Mikan begged, shaking Junko's body as she cried.  
Mascara streaked down her cheeks, mascara Junko had taught her how to apply. The ring on her finger felt cold, the ring Junko had given her.  
The love Junko had given her, was it gone?  
Gone? _Gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone** gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone?**_  
A feeling made itself home in the pit of Mikan's stomach, forcing her to let go of Junko and sit back.  
The world is spinning.  
The sky is falling.  
The floor is collapsing under Mikan's weight.  
Ah, the feeling of despair.  
One her beloved had taught her of.  
Something of Junko's that could never leave.  
_Despair_.  
The same sickening smile came to Mikan's poor tear stained face as she took Junko left hand into hers.  
The undamaged one.  
"I'm, I'm going to take the best parts of you with me," Mikan said happily, "That way... You'll never leave me... Never, never, never..."  
  
"_**HOW CAN YOU STAND THAT WOMAN?**_" Izuru cried.  
He's shaking, eyes filling up with tears as he digs his nails into his palm.  
Mikan can only smile. All pain is painless as long as she has her beloved's heart pumping in her chest.  
All despair is good despair.  
Nothing can hurt Mikan now that Junko is apart of her.  
"**_DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT SHE DID TO US?_**" Izuru persisted, and Mikan continued to smile.  
"My beloved has brought us to a beautiful world," Mikan explained, "She has given me her undying love, and as long as I have that, I could care less what happens, don't you think? Aaah, but you'd never understand, you've never had anyone love you, huh?"  
The long haired male stopped dead, no words dropped out of his mouth, as he backed away silently, red eyes now glued to the ground.  
Hit the nail on the head.  
"Please calm down," Komaeda begged, a half smile on his face.  
He's a little late.  
"I'll always be an peace while Junko is a part of me," she replied, and Komaeda's smile dropped.  
They do not understand her love.  
  
"N, no! Don't take h, h, her from me!" Mikan begged, snatching her dead right hand away from Kazuichi.  
He had looked confused, still holding a robotic replacement in his hand.  
"I don't want it!" Mikan insisted, tears threatening to boil over.  
She didn't want to lose Junko, even though everyone else wanted to so bad.  
Everyone wanted to cut off their bad parts, all the despair and torture, but Mikan could do no such thing.   
Junko had taught her love before anyone could, she was not repulsed by Mikan, and forgave her when no one else would.  
Why would anyone wanna give that away?  
"Mikan," Chiaki started from behind Kazuichi, now coming into view, "I understand it's hard to let go, and maybe you don't wanna let go just yet."  
Mikan nodded along, meeting Chiaki's robotic pastel pink eyes as she spoke.  
She was happy to have someone on her side. Chiaki never hated Mikan, either.  
And yet, she was the opposite of Junko.  
"But know that we are here for when you want to let go, okay?" Chiaki finished, "That doesn't have to be anytime soon, and it's okay if it never happens, too. I'm your support team, I'm here to support you no matter the decision, okay?"  
"O, okay," Mikan stuttered.  
  
"Do you still feel it?" Mikan asked, get metallic hand cold against her warm thigh.  
"Feel what?" Peko asked, ruby eyes turning away from the sunset and towards Mikan.  
Her silver hair had started regrowing, not long enough to put into a braid, but it was getting there.  
Still, Mikan missed the bob cut Peko had once sported.  
"Despair," she answered, her real hand now coming to to meet her metallic cheek, "Do you feel despair sometimes?"  
"Yes," Peko answered, "But not often. I do not wallow in despair, it is not my life. I'm quite happy now, I have a lovely husband, good friends, I pet fluffy animals everyday... I'm learning to smile again. My life is good, even if there are relapses or small feelings of despair, I am happy now. I don't need it."  
A frown came to Mikan's face as she looked back down at her knees, "I... I wish I could say the same..."  
Peko's warm hand came to get friend's knee, earning Mikan's gaze once more.  
"Progress is not linear," Peko began, "And progress often doesn't match up with others. I am happy now, but I cannot say I'm as far along in progress as maybe Mahiru is, and I cannot say I'm as far behind as Izuru is. None of us experienced the same thing, either. It makes sense for Mahiru to be very far along now, dealing with thing healthily, as Junko didn't really interfere with her life. But it also makes sense for Izuru to still be suffering, having been taken advantage of and used at a young age. Wherever you are is where you are, and that's okay. We have our whole lives ahead of us, it's okay to backtrack."  
Mikan smiled, not sickening or despair filled, a genuine smile, and hugged Peko tightly.  
She's going to get there some day. 


End file.
